


Gaze

by NanakiBH



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Romance, Emotional Porn, Established Relationship, Feelings, Fingering, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Quiet Sex, Spoilers, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 14:02:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: His feelings were transparent.





	Gaze

**Author's Note:**

> This is my gift for Itou for the Shukita Valentine's Day Exchange! Yaaaay Happy Valentine's Day! ♥♥♥
> 
> Writing is what I do best, so I wrote a lot for you. ^･ω･^)/｡･:*:･ﾟ☆  
> I saw that you put a big "YES" next to whether or not nsfw was okay, so I was like... "Alright, I know what I must do." lol  
> I went with "Yusuke painting Akira", but... Does he really paint him in this? Kind of. asfdkjh An attempt was made. And then it got figurative.  
> I hope you like it!
> 
> Contains some spoilers up through November.

November. A rather cold month.

They had Shido's Palace to worry about.

Every time Yusuke stopped to think about the potential danger they could be facing if they made a mistake, Akira was always there with a comforting hand on his shoulder to pull him away from those thoughts. Akira was the one who would've been in the worst trouble if they failed, but he was also the one who stayed the most positive, maintaining a legendary levelheadedness.

His confidence was infectious. However, when they weren't busy preparing for their infiltration, Yusuke found himself getting distracted with worry. When Akira wasn't there to tap him on the shoulder, to smile reassuringly, Yusuke's heart became troubled, concerned about what could happen while his attention was averted.

While he was at school, was Akira doing well at Leblanc?

While he was working on a piece for class, was Akira safe at night with just Morgana by his side?

It was too much to expect that they could always be together. There would always be times when they had to be apart for one mundane reason or another, so it was unreasonable for him to constantly worry. Akira could take care of himself.

Still, on an average November evening, unable to discard those unpleasant feelings, Yusuke sent a message to Akira.

He was probably just overreacting. It was fine.

It was fine.

But his pulse was in his throat as he waited for Akira to reply.

As he should have expected, Akira was indeed fine. He was home at Leblanc, just drinking coffee and reading, enjoying a calm evening with Morgana. His concern must have come through in the tone of his text, however. Akira became suspicious and wanted to know if everything was okay. Yusuke didn't want to admit how worried he was, but his fingers automatically tapped out a message on their own before he could stop them.

 

_'I want to see you.'_

 

It was the truth, but he cursed himself for being so forward. His worry was to blame. The thought of losing the person who brought such inspiration to his life was unbearable. He couldn't stand it. There was little he could do to distract himself from that fear. He didn't want to go back to the way things had been... Without even Madarame, he would have been truly alone. It was true that he'd gained other friends who wouldn't abandon him, but...

His feelings for Akira were different. They were so self-centered.

Without him, he felt lost. When he was by himself, he clung to thoughts of him. When they were together, he basked in Akira's attention and devoutly devoured his advice like gospel. That person who pulled him out of the depths of despair had become a savior to him and so much more. His very existence had become an integral part of his life.

What was he supposed to do to ensure that he could always have Akira by his side...?

 

_'I want to draw you!'_

 

To his surprise, Akira agreed to visit him. Although Yusuke insisted that he stay at Leblanc where it was safe, that he'd come to him, Akira counter-insisted, explaining that he'd always wanted to visit the Kosei dorms.

From then until Akira reached the dorms, Yusuke continued to text him, paranoid that his thoughtless request would lead him into trouble. It already bothered him when Akira went out by himself when he was supposed to be 'dead'. It was going to be a problem if anyone at the dorm noticed him and questioned what he was doing there. If anything happened to Akira because of _him_...

 

His worrying had yet to settle even by the time Akira arrived.

 

“You didn't bring Morgana with you?” Yusuke asked.

“I thought he'd get bored,” Akira said as his eyes took a tour of his small room.

He took a seat on the edge of his bed and pulled back his hood. He ran a hand through his hair to fix it and Yusuke found himself both caught off guard and mesmerized by the simple action. His hair looked soft enough to touch, but he stopped himself from stepping forward to do so. He'd learned that abrupt invasions of personal space were a thing other people didn't appreciate. Did that apply with Akira, though? If they'd already become intimate with each other, then couldn't he just...?

The moment he took a step toward him, he held himself back from going any farther.

Even if he and Akira had crossed the boundary from friends to lovers, that didn't mean he could simply touch him whenever he wanted – especially when Akira was there to be his model. He needed to act professionally.

“So?” Akira said, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. He looked up at him with a cute smile. “You wanted to draw me? This ought to be fun. You have all of your supplies here, don't you?”

“I-...” Yusuke looked around, suddenly feeling dazed by the pounding in his chest. He turned in almost a full circle before remembering where he put his easel. It was embarrassing that he could forget where he put something he used _all the time..._ Akira's smile had a profound effect on him. Every time he was graced by it, that effect only seemed to become more pronounced. The power it had over him was something he desperately wanted to harness in his canvas.

But that day wasn't going to be the day. Not yet. He could tell. He still needed more time to appreciate and understand that smile.

That was why he needed to protect him. Even if Akira didn't need his protecting, Yusuke wanted to be his shield – an extra layer of defense.

Not wanting to keep Akira waiting, Yusuke gathered his bearings along with the supplies he required and began preparing. “I hope you won't be bored,” he said, thinking out loud. “I think you've offered to let me draw you in the past, I've never actually sat down with you as my model to draw you in earnest, have I? Hm...” With his easel set up, he sat down in his stool behind the canvas and held his chin. “To be honest, I'm not sure where to go from here.”

“Really?” Akira said, giving an amused laugh. “That's surprising. Knowing you, I thought for sure you would've already imagined a thousand poses you'd want to paint me in.”

“I wasn't that interested in drawing you at first, actually.”

Akira stared.

Hm. That hadn't sounded very nice, had it?

“What I mean is-”

Akira chuckled and shook his head, showing that he hadn't taken it seriously. “It's alright. I know what you mean. Your eyes were drawn to Ann first. Like, to be fair, she _is_ a model. It would have been surprising if she hadn't grabbed your attention that way. I totally understand why you were so obsessed with having her as your model.”

“Is that jealousy I detect in your voice, Akira?”

He sputtered. “Wh-...? Me? What? Nah...” He laid down on the bed and casually lounged on his side. However, the look on his face looked somewhat irritated. “It's not like I didn't offer to pose for you a million times...”

For a second, Yusuke remained quiet, letting that information register. Then, “You really _were_ jealous?!”

Sitting back up, Akira looked away with a bit of red in his cheeks. “Well. Yeah? That seems reasonable to me. It's just silly now, but it really annoyed me at first. I could tell that you and Ann weren't interested in each other like that, especially after that one comment you made... The one about being uninterested in her as 'someone of the opposite sex'. I thought, 'What? How am I supposed to take that? What does that mean?' I kind of got my hopes up... Even though I didn't really know you yet, I was determined to get this hot guy to look at me.”

“Hot guy...?” Yusuke looked around slowly. “Oh. You mean me?”

“I was obviously talking about you. Are you really that unaware of how hot you are? Everywhere we go, people are like, 'Whoa, look at that guy! He's so handsome! I wonder if he's a celebrity!'” Having said that, Akira folded his arms over his chest and looked at him from head to toe, nodding to himself. “Exceptionally good-looking.”

Yusuke took another look at himself and frowned. “I suppose I see it... But, when it comes to the subjects I'm interested in painting, my choice has little to do with who I find physically attractive. At that time, I was simply looking for something beautiful to paint. Though...” He felt something tighten in his chest. “You showed me that beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder. The heart's response is perhaps even more important to determining the value of a thing.”

Akira had succeeded. He said that he'd been determined to make him notice him, and he did. Ann was still just as beautiful as she was the moment he first laid eyes on her, yet Akira mysteriously grew in appeal the more time he spent with him. Like the _Mona Lisa_ , he was attractive in an unassuming, approachable sort of way. His smile was what drew him in nearer; curious, mysterious, and playful. His was a truly rare beauty, one that seemed to evolve along with the feelings that made Yusuke's chest feel so full.

Waiting wasn't the way. If he kept waiting to see how those feelings would evolve the way he saw him, then he was going to waste all of the opportunities in between. It was doubtless that Akira would become more and more beautiful to him with each day, but it was foolish for him to wait when the future was so precarious.

If it was impossible for him to protect him at every second, then, with the pencil he held in his hand...

“What's wrong?” Akira asked.

Apparently he'd given himself away with the look on his face.

“It's nothing,” he said, coolly brushing his hair away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. “Would you mind if I start now? You should choose a position you feel comfortable holding for a while. We can stop every ten minutes for a break.”

“Oh.” For some reason, Akira looked a little disappointed. Nevertheless, he started shifting around, trying out different poses. “Sitting or standing?” he asked.

Holding the end of his pencil to his lower lip, Yusuke imagined it. “Sitting poses are a little more difficult for me, but it ought to make it easier on you... And I do enjoy a challenge.”

Akira kept trying to find a pose, sitting on his bed in various ways, but he didn't seem to be satisfied with anything. Yusuke silently agreed; the more Akira tried, the more contrived the poses looked. The Akira he liked best was the one who didn't try, who was just naturally alluring. Whenever he tried to act that way, it was just comical instead... But that was also charming in its own way.

Yusuke smiled to himself. “You can't go wrong.”

“R-Really? You sure? I thought you were always really specific about these things. Well then...” Staying as he was, Akira crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward a little with his hands on the edge of the bed, propping him up, pushing back his shoulders. It was a casual pose, but his unique posture made it a challenging draw. Perfect. “Does it matter what kind of expression I make?” he asked.

“You don't have to worry about that for now. Just hold that pose.”

Really, he just wanted to make sure that Akira was safe... The situation he found himself in was something he hadn't anticipated. As Yusuke reached for his paint kit, he almost couldn't believe that he finally had Akira in his _room_ and that he was about to _paint_ him. Part of him was still begging for more time to prepare.

“Do other students paint in the dorm?” Akira asked.

Satisfied that he had what he needed, Yusuke sat up straight and readied his pencil. “Not many, surprisingly. I suppose it's easier to paint in the studio. There's more room there. It can be distracting when there are other people around, though. I don't like to talk while I work.”

“Ah... Sorry. Is it going to bother you if I talk while you're drawing me?”

Yusuke's chest unexpectedly clenched again, making him take pause. “N-... No, it's quite alright,” he said, feeling his face getting hot. “It's fine if it's you. When we first met, I'm sure I must have seemed standoffish with the way I acted. That's... probably how I also seem in class.” It felt needless to say that if he had someone like Akira with him at school, he wouldn't seem so reclusive and unapproachable. He hadn't even realized how he'd seemed until he had someone who made him change, who made him notice the difference.

The expression on Akira's face softened with a tender smile. “Well, I'm glad you can talk to me,” he said.

 

The gentle glimmer in his eyes...

 

Still stuck staring at Akira's face, Yusuke placed his pencil to the canvas, but his hand wouldn't move, his body held captive by the feelings that seized his heart. He wanted to paint the beautiful sight of the person in front of him, but he also felt compelled to surrender to the look in his eyes, to stand still in that single moment for as long as he humanly could.

The second he began to move his hand, he doubted whether he would be able to do it justice. Before he even began, he got the feeling that one canvas wouldn't be enough. He was going to need at least ten.

He briefly recalled what it had felt like when he tried painting Ann. Looking back, his feelings from that time seemed immature in comparison.

And, to think that Akira had been looking at him, even then...

Before he could continue, Yusuke looked away and lowered his hand.

“Akira, would you say that you want me to always watch you...?”

“Huh?” He sounded a little confused for a second, but he came back right away with an answer. Although Yusuke didn't look, Akira's smile could be heard. “That's a unique way of putting it, but I know what you mean... I'd like that. Isn't that why I'm here right now?”

He'd asked him there so that he could draw him, but that hadn't been his real intention. Akira seemed to understand that. Yusuke wanted to keep watching him for more than just the purpose of translating his image and presence to the canvas. That simple moment in his dorm room filled silently with the color of Akira's smile was already like a painting of its own.

It was his life's purpose to make beautiful things, so it followed that there would be nothing he would want more than to always make Akira smile. The light of his smile made even their average days sparkle like something worth treasuring.

Yusuke nodded to himself. “Magnificent.”

“You can be pretty indirect sometimes, but you're always really honest, aren't you?” Akira said, laughing softly. “It'll save you a lot of time in the future if you just tell me that you want to see me. You don't have to have more of a reason than that. I like being with you, too. Aren't we dating?”

“Da-...!”

That was true... He didn't have to act surprised. He loved having Akira's attention and greedily wanted more of it. He just tended to forget that the feeling was mutual. It didn't make him selfish to feel that way. That was just how two people in love were supposed to be.

Yusuke's hand rose on its own and he began to draw just to distract himself from his overwhelming feelings. All the time, Akira managed to surprise him by proving that he understood what he was thinking. He was glad that he could share his thoughts with him, confident that they would be understood no matter what form they took.

Perhaps it was time for him to stop worrying. He wasn't imposing, after all.

“Akira...”

Although Akira was supposed to be maintaining that pose, he broke from it and got up. He crossed the few steps to where Yusuke was sitting and bent at his side to wrap his arms around his shoulders. For his own part, Yusuke just sat there, glancing around as he tried to figure out what had suddenly prompted that sort of response.

Akira held him close and gave him a squeeze. “You're really cute, you know that?” he said, nuzzling his hair.

Yusuke sighed, lamenting the pitiful few lines on the canvas in front of him. “How am I supposed to get any painting done like this? You were supposed to sit still.”

“That isn't even why you wanted me here,” Akira reminded him, petting a hand over the back of his head, smoothing out his hair. It didn't take long for Yusuke to find himself surrendering to the gentleness of his touch, his body becoming less stiff. The dorm was cold and Akira was warm. It felt nice to be near him. 

“You're right.” Smiling, he put his arms around Akira's waist in a loose embrace and tucked his head against his shoulder. He took in a breath, reveling in the warmth of his scent, letting it fill his head, then sat back and let him go. “Still,” he said, looking up at Akira as he moved away, “if I have you here and you're willing to let me paint you, why shouldn't I take advantage of the opportunity? Indeed, you've made the offer numerous times, but I've always put it off, feeling like I wasn't prepared. With that type of thinking, would I ever be? So, if it's alright...”

Two steps ahead of him, Akira had already returned to the bed and resumed his pose.

He took a glance down at himself. “Was it like this?” he mused aloud, shifting his shoulders. Making a face, he moved back a little, then forward, then stopped and looked up at Yusuke. “I'll do whatever you want as long as it's alright for me to stay here. I told Morgana that I might be staying with you tonight. I left him with Futaba, so they can call me if they need me. I just don't want you getting in trouble.”

That was too thoughtful. “You really ought to think more about yourself,” Yusuke said quietly. The calm look on Akira's face made him narrow his eyes. “As long as you stay in my room, no one will have anything to say. But what if someone _did_ happen to catch you spending the night here? This isn't the time for you to be getting careless. You should have waited for me to come to you instead...”

Akira tilted his head and gave him a confused look, a bit of his unruly hair cutely falling in front of his face.

...It was impossible for him to stay cross at that face.

Yusuke nervously lifted his pencil, praying that he could continue drawing. “Are you really that confident in yourself, Akira? I wish I could share that confidence, but I'm afraid I'm too aware of how vulnerable we are right now. You're only human, you know.”

Fortunately, he found it easy to move the tip of his pencil across the canvas. Though he was tempted to fixate on Akira's endearing expression, he made himself focus on capturing the gesture of his figure first. The angle he was sitting at had changed slightly, but that was alright. The first attempt hadn't gotten very far.

Gradually, he noticed a change in Akira's expression. His carefree smile became somewhat troubled.

“Even if it's dangerous... I think that coming so close to death made me realize that I can't just sit around, waiting for things to be safe again. I'm not trying to get myself in trouble, but I'm not going to hide in my room, either.” He couldn't turn his head and he couldn't change his posture, so he just averted his eyes apologetically. “I know you just want me to be safe, Yusuke. But... What am I supposed to do?”

It hurt to hear his leader at a loss, but it also filled Yusuke with an unexpected sense of motivation; his drawing hand felt lighter as his pencil swept across the canvas, his eyes felt more focused.

“Akira. I love you.”

Instantly, Akira's eyes returned to him, wide and round, his lips slightly agape as if there were words awaiting.

But Yusuke continued, feeling the warmth returning to his face, “I fear this may make me sound naïve, but... I look at myself and the progress I've been able to make, and I know that it's because of you. You were there for me through my slump. I fell deeply in love with that person who helped me. Repaying you with my support is the least I could do for you now.” That wasn't all, though. His hand moved as if by its own will, giving form to the figure on the canvas, giving him the confidence he needed to be more direct. “I'll protect you. No matter what. As long as you stay within my sight, I'll protect you with these eyes.”

“Eyes that catch every detail...” There was a dreamy look in Akira's eyes tainted by a hint of uncertainty. “I would feel more at ease if I could always be near you, but, as things are right now, that just isn't possible, is it? You have school and your own obligations to take care of. I'm safest at Leblanc, but even that might not last if Akechi suddenly notices that something's off. Men in black suits could come for me any day.”

As Yusuke sat back and really looked at Akira, the sight before him acquired a sad flavor. The pose Akira had chosen, that he felt capable of holding for as long as needed, looked stiff and uncomfortable. The way his arms were tucked close to his sides... The way his hands gripped the edge of the bed... Even the slightly curved posture of his back and shoulders made it look like he was ready to curl in on himself at any moment.

“It frustrates me,” Yusuke said, holding the loneliness of that sight in his gaze.

 

Even though he was right there.

Even though they were together.

 

Cliché words like 'You can rely on me' and 'I'll be there whenever you need me' were worthless. Yusuke knew that there would always be blind spots. He hated knowing that Akira could disappear the moment he entered his periphery. 

 

Were there really some problems that could only be faced alone...?

That didn't sound right.

 

At the sound of Yusuke pushing back his stool, Akira looked up. Their eyes met each other as Yusuke went over. He put a knee down on the bed next to Akira and leaned against him, putting his arms around his shoulders. He hadn't given a lot of thought to what he was doing. He just wanted to ruin that pose and erase its loneliness.

“Ten minute break,” he said, feeling a weariness suddenly overtake him. His eyelids felt heavy.

As if startled, it took Akira a moment to react. “Has it been ten minutes?” he asked, tentatively returning his embrace, holding him around the waist as they both went down to the bed. 

With his mind so distracted by other things, Yusuke hadn't even looked at the time. He had no idea. It just felt like the right time. Confusion aside, Akira didn't seem to be complaining, but Yusuke detected a bit of that stiffness and discomfort still in the arms encircling him.

“I think we should try again some other time,” he said. “I want to start over.”

Akira let out a disappointed-sounding sigh. “Sorry. I'm not used to being a model, I guess. Was my pose bad?”

“Yes. It was.”

He didn't want to waste expensive paint on immortalizing a painful memory. No matter what colors he chose to paint over it with, Yusuke was certain that he would have been unable to see anything besides the hurt hidden in the sketch underneath. That wasn't what he wanted.

“I love every 'you' – even the one who smiles for the sake of others.” Even though he was the one who put his arms around Akira that time, seeking to soothe the sadness he saw in his shoulders, he still felt like he was the one being comforted by the hands that laid gently on his back. “That part of you is beautiful in its own way, but what I want to see... What I want to paint is you, smiling for yourself.”

“I thought you said you didn't want to waste this opportunity?”

“I'm not going to.”

Yusuke knew what he had to do. If he couldn't protect Akira from the danger that awaited out of his sight, then he would do as much as he could do – what only _he_ could do. As the person closest to Akira, he wanted to take those moments when they were together and turn them around. Their happiness didn't have to be suffocated by worry.

Leaning back, aware of the horrible look that twisted his brow and tugged at the corners of his mouth, he held Akira's face in his hands and looked down at him, allowing him to see the things he felt. The face he looked down at was tight, but it wasn't expressionless. Yusuke could see what he was trying to hold back.

His pose and that face... They were both terrible. But Yusuke didn't want to forget them.

Yusuke kissed him; just a gentle pressing of his lips against Akira's. Doing what felt right always seemed to work out better for him than sitting still. An artist couldn't be passive. If he wanted to move other people, he had to move himself. That wouldn't happen if he stayed behind the canvas.

The moment he leaned back and opened his eyes, he noticed the surprised tilt of Akira's brows over his glasses. For some reason, that look made Yusuke feel a little self-conscious. He wasn't trying to impress him or anything – he just wanted to ease his mind and make him feel good. He couldn't do that if he didn't act more confident in his actions.

“Yusuke?”

“I-... I'm trying to take the initiative,” he said. Pushing himself up, he looked down at Akira and hesitantly moved his hands to the zipper of Akira's hoodie. His nervousness must not have gone without notice because Akira tried to help, moving to unzip it for him. Determined to do it, however, Yusuke placed his hands over Akira's and moved them aside. “P-Please, allow me...”

Of course, like always, Akira was understanding. He seemed to immediately know what he was thinking.

Akira moved back on the bed, repositioning himself so that he could lay with his head against Yusuke's pillow. “Well, this certainly is one way to relieve the tension. This is what I was talking about – you're adorably straightforward sometimes. I can tell you're embarrassed, but I think it's cute.” He laughed. “I hope that doesn't make you feel more embarrassed.”

It did, kind of.

He liked being with Akira and he liked having sex with him, but the process of getting there still overwhelmed him. Once they were both undressed, he always felt more relieved, but... Undressing Akira with his own hands was... It was just...

It was so much...!

Yusuke covered his face with his hands. “I-Is it unethical for me to undress my own model?”

“That sounds like a crisis for another day,” Akira said, laughing. He took Yusuke's hands and brought them back to the zipper of his hoodie. “You have your model's permission to be as unethical as you please.”

Then, in that case...

Very carefully, Yusuke lowered the zipper. When he reached the bottom, Akira helped push it open. He sat up for him and shrugged it off along with the light jacket he wore over it. However, as soon as they touched the floor, he hugged himself and frisked his hands over his arms. Yusuke had gotten used to what it was like in his room, so he'd nearly forgotten how cold it was. His idea wasn't very good, was it...?

“K-Kinda cold,” Akira mumbled quietly, glancing away.

Something felt strange.

“Apologies. You can keep your shirt,” Yusuke said. He took notice of the way Akira relaxed. It was cold, certainly, but that probably wasn't Akira's concern. Yusuke wanted to flip his shirt up, to see the condition of his bruises, to see how many bandages he was still wearing, and to find out what horrible things were hidden underneath them. But he knew that if he saw, it would have just made him mad all over again. He hated what they did to him...

Leaning down, dipping his head, he placed a kiss to the center of Akira's chest. When he looked up at him, he saw that the unpleasant look from a second ago had vanished almost completely. That was good. That was what he wanted. So he kissed him again, placing one to the same spot, then another one a little higher, then another, and another... When their mouths met again, he felt Akira sigh against his lips. Yusuke breathed in that anxiety of his and swallowed it down to steal it.

As he continued to kiss him, he moved a hand down Akira's body and tentatively placed a hand over the front of his pants. He heard Akira release a pleased, needy sort of sound that made his blood heat up in response. Lightly, he moved his hand, feeling for the shape of him through his clothes. He was glad to have Akira distracted with his mouth. If he had to pull away and watch what he was doing, knowing that Akira was watching, Yusuke didn't know if he would have been able to handle it.

He grasped him a little more firmly, beginning to stroke the outline of his cock. Akira's soft breaths turned into more vocal moans that were muffled by Yusuke's tongue. Although it made him feel worried about others hearing them, he knew that Akira was aware. He didn't need to be reminded. With his pulse thumping in his ears, becoming dizzy with a combination of nervousness and excitement, Yusuke popped the buttons at the front of Akira's pants and slid his hand underneath, palm sliding over the soft skin of his lower stomach before touching his cock.

Akira's legs momentarily stiffened, then his hips came to life, seeking the touch of Yusuke's palm. His skin was so warm...

“C-Cold...”

Yusuke opened his eyes and blinked, looking at Akira's face. “Still...?” Once he realized what Akira was talking about, he instantly pulled his hand out of his pants. “H-How embarrassing. I should have noticed.”

Shaking his head, Akira grabbed his cold hands and rubbed them between his to warm them. “It's not a big deal,” he said.

And that felt pretty easy to believe. Akira looked like he was enjoying himself in spite of their awkward start – or perhaps because of it.

Once Akira seemed content with the job he did of warming his hands, Yusuke sat up and considered the next step. Taking the initiative was more difficult than he expected. There was a process, wasn't there? Feeling like a fish out of water, he tried to think about what Akira would do.

“Lubrication.”

Hm.

The look Akira gave him was very interesting.

Was he trying not to laugh?

“M-My bag,” Akira said, pointing to the bag he left at the corner of the bed.

“You carry that with you?”

“Don't ask questions,” he said.

As requested, Yusuke retrieved Akira's bag with no questions and returned with it. He sat next to him on his knees and opened it and rummaged through all the miscellaneous things inside until he found what he was looking for. Even though he had the tube of lubricant in hand, he couldn't help but continue staring at the mess inside his bag.

“Do you always carry this much with you?”

“Nah.” Akira took the tube from his loose grasp. Lifting his hips off the bed, he started wriggling out of his pants. “I usually have Morgana with me, so I wouldn't even think about carrying around things like this. Can you imagine how awkward it would be for him to be squeezed into my bag next to this? I think I'd die. He would never let me hear the end of it.”

So then... “Y-You brought it with you this time because...?”

Akira smiled innocently, running the tip of one finger over his lower lip. “Hm... I wonder?”

It was good to know that they were operating on similar wavelengths, at least.

Even though he'd complained about the cold, Akira pushed his pants off all the way and kicked them to the floor. Raising his hips off the bed, he spread a bit of the gel from the tube across a few of his fingers and reached down between his legs. His cock was already semi-hard from the prior stimulation. His cheeks turned a light pink as he rubbed his fingers over his tight entrance.

Yusuke couldn't take his eyes off him. It was an absurdly erotic display to be sure, but it was also fascinating. It was incredible how Akira could look so innocent and sweet, and yet also be so...

“Hm.”

“You're drooling, Yusuke.” The sound Akira made could have been counted as a giggle. He looked up at him from beneath his long, delicate lashes. That erotic stare made Yusuke's body feel like it had been lit on fire.

As Akira pushed the first of his fingers into himself, he tipped his head back against the pillow and moaned. It was quiet but it wasn't lacking in raw lewdness. Yusuke didn't know what he could do except stay kneeling there next to him, hands on his knees, and watch. His cock was already firmly stiff, pressing against the front of his pants. The grip he had on his knees tightened whenever Akira made a sound.

Akira arched his back and angled his hips slightly as if he were trying to let him see what he was doing with the hand between his legs. Yusuke just knew that if he looked, there was a chance it would've been over for him. The sight in front of him was already unbearably sexy.

Never in a million years would he have expected that he would find himself in a relationship with someone like Akira. Never. The thought seemed so hopeless, it probably would have never even occurred to him to wish for such a thing. He thought he was happy with just him and his art, but... Akira made him see the whole world differently.

Sex was...

Sex was incredible!

Those worries he'd been drearily ruminating on suddenly seemed to have evaporated in the heat that was forming between them. A part of him that he would have never known – an uncontrollable, instinctive part – wanted him to reach out and touch him, but he forced himself to wait, letting his eyes take in as much as they could.

“P-Perhaps... Sometime, I should... paint you like this...”

Akira pressed a second finger into himself and sighed. He turned his head, cheek against the pillow. “Only as long as you keep it to yourself.”

_He would let him?!_

No...

That would have been too obscene. Right?

But Akira was beautiful, and he would have been sure to paint him using the feelings within himself. If he did that, then the result would have surely become more than meritless pornography. And, as magnificent as the idea sounded, Akira didn't have to fear him sharing it with anyone. He could use Akira's body as his canvas, figuratively painting his love upon him, filling Akira's heart with his colors.

 

He didn't need his brush, only his hands.

 

He reached out and brushed his fingers over Akira's hot cheek.

Akira's lashes fluttered, his brow pinching together and knees buckling as he fingered himself. “I think you know what to do now,” he said, taking one of Yusuke's wrists, guiding it between his legs. “Just like I did for you last time.”

Dizzily, Yusuke moved his hand where Akira instructed, their fingers briefly brushing against each other as Akira pulled his own hand away. Taking in a breath, Yusuke pushed two of his fingers into him. Akira had already gotten it started for him, so they slipped in easily. All he had to do was flex them and stretch them to get him prepared, he was pretty sure... He couldn't see what he was doing from his position at Akira's side, but that was probably for the best.

In the meanwhile, with both of his hands free, Akira reached for Yusuke's lap. Yusuke flinched when he felt the touch of Akira's fingertips against his stomach as he pushed his shirt up to keep it out of his way. As he watched him, Yusuke's fingers automatically continued what they were doing, moving in a hypnotic rhythm. Akira skillfully unfastened his pants and let his cock spring free.

Akira took the tube of lubricant and added some to his palm. The moment his hand enclosed around his cock, Yusuke threw his head back and slapped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from shouting. He hadn't expected his first touch to feel so intense. It must have been due to the waiting. Akira paused for just a few moments before he continued, stroking his hand over his hard length, getting him prepared with a coating of the slippery gel. Yusuke lifted his shirt out of the way for him with his free hand and watched, heart pounding, as Akira's fist slid up and down his cock.

“A-Akira, if you... If you keep doing that...”

With a mischievous laugh, Akira's hand disappeared. “Sorry. You looked like you liked it so much, I would've let myself get carried away.” He put his hands under his knees and pulled them back, beckoning him with his eyes.

Yusuke swallowed thickly and adjusted the collar of his shirt. Shoving his nerves aside, he positioned himself between Akira's legs.

A pitiful sound helplessly slipped past his lips as he readied the tip of his cock against his entrance. Biting his lip, he nudged it forward and sighed through his nose as the tip was swallowed into the heat of Akira's body. It felt so good, he felt the urge to pull back out, but he forced himself to keep it together. Slowly, little by little, with small movements of his hips, his full length was eventually engulfed.

“It-... It's in,” he rasped out.

Akira looked down, a foggy look in his eyes, and admired the place where they were connected. “Good job.”

Yusuke grumbled. He felt a little weird about being complimented on such a thing, but it made him happy nonetheless.

Unsure what to do with his hands, he placed them on Akira's hips and began to move. It wasn't his first time on top, but he wasn't used to it. He didn't have the stamina for it yet, though he figured that would come eventually if he could persevere.

He decided to take it slowly, trying to start with a pace that wouldn't immediately take him to the edge – but then he heard the adorable sounds Akira made in response and knew that it was hopeless. As long as Akira was feeling good, that was all that mattered. He could improve his technique in the future.

It seemed like he was on the right track. Akira had his head rolled back, lips parted. His thighs quivered slightly each time Yusuke moved his hips, so he knew he must have found the right spot.

Akira groaned softly. “I want to make noise, but we're always somewhere where we need to be quiet...” He opened his eyes and they darted to meet Yusuke's. “But there's something kind of hot about having to keep our voices down.”

“Please consider the situation we're in,” Yusuke said. He didn't want to remind him, but it seemed a little absurd to be getting aroused by the potential threat of death if Akira was discovered. “A-Are you that attracted to danger?”

Akira didn't say anything, but the grin on his face could have meant nothing other than 'yes'.

Yusuke couldn't blame him... As long as they kept themselves under control, the threat actually enhanced the mood. It was easy to fall into it despite his better judgment. It was fascinating how fear could be morphed into a powerful aphrodisiac. As strange as it was, he preferred it that way. It was better than worrying to death over it.

Akira didn't look worried at all anymore...

He was right there, living in the moment. That fact made Yusuke feel quite proud.

It was going to sadden him if it had to end, but he felt comforted knowing that Akira would stay there through the night with him.

Akira pushed himself up onto his elbows and poked the middle of Yusuke's forehead. “You look like you're having some good thoughts. You have this big grin on your face. What's that about, hm?”

“Tonight. I'll fall asleep with you in my arms.”

Akira's hand fell to the bed. He laid back down and covered his eyes. “Ahhh...! My heart!”

“Apologies-”

“No, it's good!” he cried. “It's so good!” Reaching out, he caught Yusuke by his sleeves and pulled him down. They collided in a kiss that left Yusuke seeing stars. It seemed as though Akira couldn't get enough of his mouth... But that was fine. Yusuke was willing to indulge him to his heart's content. It was his pleasure – quite literally, at that. The feeling of their tongues languidly rolling around each other sent waves of pleasure through the rest of his body.

It only became more intense when he felt Akira's hands sliding over his back. Without his hands to support his knees, Akira's legs went around his waist. His ankles hooked together at the small of Yusuke's back and nudged him closer, bringing them together more firmly. Yusuke couldn't help but moan into Akira's mouth when he felt him pressing himself down onto his cock.

Brushing Akira's hair away from his glasses, Yusuke looked down into his eyes as he began to move. Even if he didn't look down at what they were doing, he nearly lost his breath when he thought about how he was inside him, connected with him in such a real way. Even the most minor movements of his hips brought that fact home to him, over and over. Love poured into his heart and filled it up, encouraging him to move faster, to seek more.

“A-Akira...”

“Hey.” Akira moved one of his hands to the side of Yusuke's face. “I love you, too, you know.”

Of all the things to be aroused by...

His pace quickened on its own. Pressing his forehead to Akira's shoulder, he thrust his hips erratically. As he released hot, ragged breaths, he felt Akira's heart pounding against his chest. It felt like his pulse was following his rhythm. The more Yusuke focused on it, the more he felt his thoughts drifting away, becoming distant. His body was consumed by warmth and a pleasure too pure and sweet to deny.

It just felt so satisfying. Everything about that moment and what they were doing felt so _right_. Him and Akira, entangled and entwined, the warmth of their breath on each other's skin, the passion between them...!

“Akira...!” Yusuke pushed himself up, his hands on either side of Akira's head. He looked down into his eyes and felt the emotions overflow from his heart. “I love you. So much.”

Straightening up, he held Akira's hips and gave him a few hard thrusts, wanting to hear more of his fantastic noises. Quiet gasps and moans leaked out from his parted lips with each thrust, gradually adding up, clouding Yusuke's head with their sound. The bed creaked under their movements, but he knew that they wouldn't last for long enough for its sound to become a problem.

He finally let himself look down and bit back a groan at the sight of his cock inside of him. It was too powerful. He almost came on the spot, his eyes drawn to the pink of Akira's entrance stretched wide around him and the erotic glistening of lubricant on their skin.

Hair disheveled, his glasses askew on his face, Akira pushed himself up slightly and followed Yusuke's eyes.

“Whoa.”

When Yusuke angled his hips, Akira's head sunk back into the pillow and he clutched his fingers in the sheets. He inhaled sharply, but he held on to his breath. His body shuddered with the effort to keep his voice down as Yusuke repeated the motion, aiming for the spot that made him react that way. Each time he struck it, he felt Akira spasming and tightening around him.

“Akira, I...”

He couldn't get enough of it. He loved saying his name. He loved feeling him. He loved having him there.

He felt too sensitive and Akira surely knew that. He kept rolling his hips as if he were trying to make him come. Obviously, that was a temptation that was difficult to refuse, but he was trying to put Akira before himself.

Burning up inside, he boldly wrapped his hand around Akira's cock and gave it a firm stroke. That seemed to be the way. Akira's eyes opened wide, then rolled back, totally dazed.

Yusuke's other hand wanted to touch more of him, but he held back that desire. After making it that far, he didn't want to startle Akira by touching sensitive spots that were still healing. Keeping that in mind, being careful not to hurt him, he finally released the last restraints of his self-control and quickly thrust his hips, chasing after the pleasure that awaited at the edge.

At that point, it was too late to ask if he should pull out. As he felt Akira coming, squeezing around him tightly, Yusuke also came, pushing into him one last time.

Afterwards, his head felt like it was floating somewhere in the night clouds. A hiss slipped between his tightly-clenched teeth as he pulled out. He let Akira rest and reached across to the bedside to grab a few tissues. After quickly cleaning them up, he brushed Akira's hair away from his damp forehead and adjusted his slanted glasses for him.

 

He had such pretty eyes...

 

Yusuke quickly glanced away, sweating. “S-... Sorry about, um... I-Inside...”

He couldn't say it. After the fact, it felt too vulgar.

Akira didn't seem to mind, though. He shrugged. “I'm not complaining. It felt good.”

Well, that was reassuring. He would've hated to do anything that made him uncomfortable. And, speaking of uncomfortable, the coldness of the room became apparent again once they were settled. Shivering, Yusuke fixed his clothes and then returned Akira's pants to him. Once Akira wriggled his way back into them, he flopped back down onto the bed.

The bed was small, but there was just enough room for the both of them to fit. Yusuke laid down next to him and stared at the side of his face. Fingers twitching, he lifted a hand and gently placed it over Akira's stomach. For a second, he could've sworn he saw Akira flinch.

“Sorry,” he murmured with concern. “It must still hurt.”

“It's okay,” Akira said, eyes closed, his face looking unreadable.

As much as Yusuke wished to get their heist over – to infiltrate Shido's Palace and be done with it – he didn't want to risk Akira's health, either. “We still have time, it seems. We don't need to rush.” He knew that Akira's injuries were more than just bruises. The kind of strenuous maneuvers required within a Palace seemed like they would be too much for his body to handle.

With a sad-sounding sigh, Akira turned his head to look at him. Yet, still, he smiled.

“I want to get this over with as much as you do, Yusuke. I want my peace of mind back, too.”

That smile... It was still imperfect. But it was alive. It was stubborn.

Those kinds of moments they shared, chaotically filled with anxiety and passion... Even if the future came to dye their world a completely new hue, Yusuke would remember those moments and their color. His worry was, itself, a tender and bittersweet reminder of the loneliness that once filled his life.

He had someone who was worth his wholehearted concern.

Even if the future cruelly tore that blessing away from him, the fact that he'd been shown such a love was beautiful. The way he agonized over its safety was beautiful.

Akira's smile, sad or happy, was worth storing in his heart. For Akira's sake, he was going to optimistically look forward to a day when they could take their peace for granted.

“You look happy,” Akira said, looking up at him. It looked like it was getting difficult for him to keep his eyes open, but he also looked pleased.

Yusuke attached himself to Akira's side, feeling satisfied with the painting he'd accomplished.

“I'm looking at the things we have to look forward to.”


End file.
